


BilSmaug - Plant AU

by PotatoJesus



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Forgive Me, I'm Going to Hell, M/M, Plant AU, this is so weird
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-02
Updated: 2014-11-02
Packaged: 2018-02-23 19:50:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2553443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PotatoJesus/pseuds/PotatoJesus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My friend requested this last year.<br/>The description is all in the title.<br/>Yes. This is a romance.<br/>Please forgive me for this...<br/>Rated T for Writer Stupidity.</p>
            </blockquote>





	BilSmaug - Plant AU

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: So, um... yeah. My friend dared me to write this last year. I found it and I couldn't believe I wrote it but I did, and it exists, and I'm sharing it with you, and god I don't even KNOW what I've done. *hangs head in shame*  
> Here's a BilSmaug Plant AU for you.

Biblo, a small  _Brassica rapa_  seed, was excited. Not many people know, because it is only children who can quite comprehend, that plants have feelings. These feelings are, however, not entirely similar to our own; hence why our understanding of how a human or animal obtains a sensation of conscious from stimuli does not apply to them, and many come to believe that plants are incapable of emotion.

A plant is an individual, yes, but also a system of being intricately bound to the world around it. Its feelings will stem not just from their own beings, but from the interactions within and without them, their conscious more of an aura rather than an internalized feeling originating from a central nervous system.

So when I say Bilbo was excited, I do mean that he was excited.

He was excited because he had been 'born.'

Now, he had technically been conceived earlier - and had developed into a seed, been packaged, been shipped, been picked out of a small pile of those like him and planted into a small, singular compartment along with two others of his kind - and, finally, had been watered. But now he was  _born_  because the abscisic acid which had maintained him in a sort of fog had been removed, and his conscious spread outward. He found friendly responses in those beside him, and, aware of his container but not yet old enough to explore what else lay beyond, he rested contentedly in his small, little hole in the dirt, and relaxed, easing into the sensation of living…

* * *

Smaug, also a small  _Brassica rapa_ , lay quite close by, though significantly less excited. He was just one of those beings that was born and understood immediately what life meant, what was occurring around him, and chose to recline in his own recesses of comfort and enjoy the solitude. This quite put off the other two seeds around him, who felt he was rather an incorrigible fellow, and really didn't want him harshing their mellow. Smaug disliked them as well, and wished them all the luck in the world because he had already determined that they would not live long in his presence, intending to overshadow the creatures and debilitate them in his shade.

He grew with rapid determination, but a calm and collected demeanor. He was in no hurry, his fellow seeds being particularly slow and bumbling creatures. It was a small amount of pride and joy with which he first experienced the sun (or rather, false sun) upon his hypocotyl, and had he a mouth his expression would have been a slight, and perhaps smug, grin. He extended his cotyledons to the light, and enjoyed the sensations of work within himself as he photosynthesized.

Smaug enjoyed this golden bounty, and decided he wanted to share it with no one at all.

* * *

Bilbo had been a little slow at exiting the dirt, but rather didn't care, because when he did, he noticed there were others like him in the three neighboring compartments. He sent out his aura and found a couple seedlings who were kind, but not entirely engaging; yet there were a couple that caught his attention. There were two red, dwarven sprouts named Thorin and Balin, who, while at home in the company of their brethren, stood out in different ways. In Thorin there was something of a leader and a brave soul, whereas in Balin there was a kindness that flowed unbidden to all around him. There was also a gangly sort of organism that stood above all else, rather stately and wise. It exhibited a presence Bilbo could bask in with a feeling that a human might find akin to one which a wise old man would incur. This plant went by the name of Gandalf, and Bilbo quite prefered his friendship to others. Lastly, Bilbo found a contrastingly fiery and lazy soul in a tall, stemmed being by the name of Smaug.

It was this creature that captured his attention, but annoyed and confounded him.

Here was a plant who grew faster than even Gandalf, but refused to stand up straight, instead bending and shading the other two sprouts in his compartment, hiding them from the sunlight. He was moody and solitary, and demanded instant cessation of any discourse directed his way.

Now I must note, for the reader's sake, that there truly _is_ a sort of discourse among plants, but it is spoken with hormones and the most subtle of cues. It is far less diverse than a language, yet what is conveyed can be described as tenfold that of the power which mere words wield.

Continuing on, however, with the train of events, it was soon that Bilbo found four friends plucked up and away. He quite wondered why, and felt a sadness overcome him when Gandalf and Smaug refused to comment on the sudden removal of their companions, including the short, but loving Balin.

Plants cannot move, but they understand the concept of mobility, and when Bilbo realized the separation of his friends was permanent, he pined for such mobility as other creatures retained. This he did silently, however, because he feared upsetting Thorin, of whose brethren were the victims of forced removal. The dwarf was stoic in his loss, but beneath the surface his aura roiled with the agony of it.

Bilbo, in an effort to ease the parting, had convinced himself that the plants had been relocated to another home, equally as comfortable as the present one.

* * *

Smaug was delighted. Ah, to be free of those little rooting bastards that took up his soil and assaulted him with their pesky auras. In joy, in utter, unadulterated joy, he began to put forth the effort of budding. He knew the purpose of the act, and felt no fear that his death would result soon after. He was certain his young would be far more worthy of the earth, and their young after, his lineage one of the strongest and most promising.

It was during this tiring process that he would often rest his conscious, and soon found that the neighboring plant, a rather small thing - interestingly enough, not a dwarf - was observing him curiously. His aura would prod his, wonder at him, send some hormones his way to test a reaction, and on and on these experiments by the tiny creature went.

Smaug was, inexplicably, drawn to the small organism, and began to bend towards him as if _he_ were the light, his auxin levels involuntarily increasing to shift him closer towards Bilbo, though not so much as to shade him.

It was during one of these resting periods that Smaug began to test conversation with the unthreatening being, and found a pattern of banter quite suiting to his tastes.

He rather liked Bilbo.

* * *

Bilbo had been conversing with Smaug recently, each small exchange causing him to burst with joy. This joy was often met with silence, but Bilbo could feel that Smaug basked in his glow of happiness. He, too, began to enjoy the hard work of budding, and watched, intrigued, as Smaug's flowers bloomed before his. His new friend now teased him about his slow pace, and insisted that he join him in expressing himself with the bright yellow patterns.

Bilbo worked diligently to do so, though already certain he would not have as many flowers, nor none so big. It didn't matter to him, because somewhere inside of himself, he knew Smaug would be happy simply to see the small blooms Bilbo produced.

He did wonder, though, what the flowers were for.

Did they photosynthesize? Did they protect him? Did they make some other sort of food? And what were those little yellow grains that sometimes fell from Smaug's stamens?

Smaug didn't answer, and neither did Gandalf or Thorin, both of whom had grown quite close and had bloomed together, almost in sync with each other.

But Bilbo waited patiently, sure that the answer would come in due time.

* * *

It was not that long until the humans began to manually pollinate their lab experiments, selecting for the hairiest. However, it was with regret that Smaug noticed that he and Bilbo were not the hairiest, and felt, for the first time, panic.

It was strange to him though, realizing that Bilbo was the cause of his panic. He didn't want to leave this home shared between he and the small plant, and Bilbo had  _just_  flowered. They were these beautiful little works of art that were pleasant simply to witness…

He did not want to be torn from this world yet, because he was not as naive as to believe that the black bag which other plants were quickly being deposited in was a place where he and Biblo would grow. He felt helpless, and in the moments he deemed his last, grew with all the might a plant could (which is not very much, unfortunately), towards Bilbo, wanting his last moments to be closer, even if only slightly, to his one friend.

It was, luckily for the two beings, that a human had decided it cruel to kill again, and simply requested to replant them. And so it was they were merely relocated, and Smaug, in the realization of being blessed with more time with his friend, calmed.

Bilbo was safe.

* * *

Bilbo was excited again. At first Smaug's fear had caused him anxiety, but with this new wave of calm, he once again felt a joy in the new sensations and surroundings. Bilbo chattered - as only plants can chatter - with Smaug as they exited their old abode, bumped around on the lap of a girl in some vehicle, experienced outdoor air, and, finally, found a small home by a sunlit window.

Here, he and Smaug talked for a while, as the girl left to set up a makeshift watering system. Eventually she returned, replanting them with care, and once done, Bilbo was almost quivering with delight. He was surprised how easily Smaug endured his joy, surprised also to find that his friend was surrounding him with his aura. His happiness was deep, strong - almost overpowering - and it eventually calmed Bilbo's state of mind to one of merely mild excitement.

Soon, however, the human returned, and Bilbo wondered what those small cotton apparatuses were for. He had seen the other humans using them to transfer the small pollen grains between plants, but he didn't know the reason. Smaug's emotions were a cloud of first confusion, and then solidified into happiness and love.

* * *

Smaug was joyous, he had just hours ago feared for his and Bilbo's separation, and now he knew that soon they were to be joined together. He didn't answer Bilbo's probing questions, instead wanting to see what his reaction would be when (or if) he realized the purpose of the act. He gladly relinquished his pollen to the human's pollinator, and observed Bilbo with care.

* * *

Bilbo was stunned when he was pollinated, and subsequently happy.

* * *

NO. Plants do not have sexual feelings, I am sorry, smut readers, that is not what is occurring. You want Plant Smut? Find someone who thinks plants have orgasms, and go read their fanfic, but I'm sticking to truthful narration, thank you very much.

 _Ahem_. Where was I?

* * *

Bilbo was happy because he understood that now he and Smaug were intrinsically connected, that they were a part of each other, coming together to create life to further their species.

It was a bond that would last through their lineage, which, in Bilbo's mind, was eternal.

* * *

It was over the next month that Bilbo and Smaug bore little seeds within them, caring for their children with the utmost love and devotion, and enjoying the company of each other. They became one being in soul, and soon, Smaug, with his almost omniscient intuition, knew the end drew nigh. The seeds were harvested, and in the process, they were torn from their home. However, Bilbo and Smaug, once again thanking their luck, were taken outside instead of discarded into the garbage, and laid to rest, buried beneath some dirt in the yard. Their bodies withered, and they decomposed over the course of time, but it was here that their essences entangled finally into one soul and mind within the earth, and stayed that way eternally in true sunlight.


End file.
